Why this, Why that?!

its been a while, yeah..ill admit. you would think that it being the start of the year and all, i’d have more posts …but i guess that wasnt my resolution. I actually ¬†decided not to have any resolutions- i’d fail at them anyways (quit smoking..erm..HA!) sounds sad doesnt it?

In lieu of resolutions, I switched over to a more appealing concept- a bucket list!! ūüėÄ Did the ultimate swing at bhotekosi a few weeks ago, lordy-lord!!! I understand how people become adrenaline junkies, i really do. Whats funny is that I hate heights. More than that, I did the bungee over a year ago and never imagined myself going back again. The swing is cool and all, but the waiting in line is just torture. Especially when you have to wait on a 160 meter suspension brigde and keep seeing your friends fall before your eyes. Add to the recipe the fact that people on the bridge kept leaning over on one side to see people fall down into the gorge, and did i mention my fear of heights? ¬†I probably do a bad job of describing it, but my point is this…i was terrified, yet once I did the jump, I wanted to go again. That 5 seconds of pure freefall before your rope tenses is incredible! You know that feeling you get when you hit the top of a rollercoaster and you just *whoosh* down, or the feeling you get in your stomach when you hit some turbulence? Multiply that by like 20 (a realistic comparision). A lot of adrenaline man..woah.¬†If I ever had the ability to fly, it wouldn’t be the flight itself that would thrill me, it would be the fact that Id be able to go into freefall without going *splat*.

The trip til last resort was a long one though. But I was thankful. It had been a while since I had gotten out of the valley, and like many people, I needed a break from the city. Although, it seems like its getting to the point where I just need a break from the country. I wish. Maybe in a year or two, when I have a golden parachute (even just a brass one will do, really), maybe then I’ll be able to do what so many around me are doing and just hop on a jet and escape for a few weeks. Go on a trip of like 2-3 countries and meet all the people that I’ve promised I would go meet “as soon as I can afford to travel”.

On a completely unrelated note (and as a testament to how random I can be). I have a request to the cyberworld- ¬†STOP WITH THE KOLAVERI DI REMIXES!!! The original song itself caught on because it was different, it was funny, it was catchy. What in the world would compel you to make a 5 year old sing it? Why do you have to post a response to it (“the female response to…”). And then, last but not the least, why the fuck have a “nepali version” of the song sung by udita goswani?!?! Does she have a special connection with Nepal that I’m not aware of? I don’t care if she does have a connection, what bothers me is the raison d’etre of the song itself. WHY?! WHY? I’ve noticed this with a lot of songs recently. I mean..I’ll admit, they’re not all that bad.. but some just should not exist (screamo version of adele’s “rollin in the deep”- im talking to you!). Its a double edge sword the internet has created, no? The fact that anyone can post their work (or intepretations of others’ works, in this case) and it gets an audience regardless of whether it is worthy or not. I see the irony in my statement given that I am an amateur and that my audience probably consists of, realistically, 8-10 people……keeping that in mind, lemme know if there’s something I should or should not be doing. I know that’s not a very useful request seeing as how eclipses are more common¬†occurrences¬†than blog posts, but i’m working on it. My minds been kind of …one track minded and I haven’t been able to think about blogging.


And on a random note….

Chemistry Cat


The Boy Named Crow

“Sometimes fate is like a small sandstorm that keeps changing direction. You change direction, but the sandstorm chases you. You turn again, but the storm adjusts. Over and over you play this out, like some ominous dance with death just before dawn. Why? Because this storm isn’t something that blew in from far away, something that has nothing to do with you. This storm is you. somethinginside¬†you. So all you can do is give in to it, step right inside the storm, closing your eyes and plugging up your ears so the sand doesn’t get in, and walk through it, step by step. There’s no sun there, no moon, no direction, no sense of time. Just fine white sand swirling up into the sky like pulverized bones. That’s the kind of sandstorm you need to imagine….

And you really will have to make it through that violent, metaphysical, symbolic storm. No matter how metaphysical or symbolic it might be, make no mistake about it: It will cut through flesh like a thousand razor blades. People will bleed there, and¬†you¬†will bleed too. Hot, red blood. You’ll catch that blood in your hands, your own blood and the blood of others.

And once the storm is over you won’t remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive. You won’t even be sure, in fact, whether the storm is really over. But one thing is certain. When you come out of the storm you won’t be the same person who walked in. That’s what this storm’s all about.”

from “Kafka On the Shore” by Haruki Murakami.

An author who I only recently decided to start reading, and OH MY GOD! I am DEVOURING his books. I remember coming across his book at a friends house. He had at least seven or eight novels, and at first I thought they were maybe comic books, or a sequels and prequels kind of thing..like a grown up version of The Hardy Boys or Nancy Drew or something. After reading two books so far (Dance, Dance, Dance and Kafka On the Shore) I see why he had so many books. Murakami is just surreal. If you have not read him.. DO IT. NOW.


Taste the Rainbow, DRINK the Rainbow!

Its weird owning a blog with no concrete agenda or direction. I know I initially set this up to express my thoughts/things that annoyed me (well duh, you might say, why else would someone own a blog dummie) but I’ve gotten..well..hesitant. Its harder to express yourself than you would think. It hasnt gotten so much to do with articulation rather than content. Its not like my mind is empty- I’ll have thousands and THOUSANDS of thoughts running through my head all the time. Its just that they’re my thoughts, so I feel like if i try to write them down, they’ll either sound dumb or just way to strange for anyone to understand, but then I guess that’s the bloggers dilemma. Saying its hard to chose what thought to express when you’re blogging probably is as redundant as ¬†saying that growing up sucks because you’re not a kid anymore.

So let’s see if I can’t try and filter out the nonsense and give you something good to read (I guess it would be a first, wouldnt it :P). The second I mention filters, I think about vodka. No I’m not an¬†alcoholic (im a drunk,¬†alcoholics¬†attend meetings bwaha). I just think of colored vodka because of this recipe for skittles flavored vodka that someone I know posted on facebook. You seperate skittles by color, put them into seperate bottles (5 in total, cause theres five colors apparently ) and pour vodka into all five bottles. The colors/flavors are supposed to mix into the vodka re. The filtering part comes in the end, when you’re supposed to use coffee filters to filter the nearly dissolved skittles. The end product looks quite beautiful actually. I shall try it one day when its appropriate to¬†experiment¬†with an entire bottle of vodka and not get yelled at for it…I do still live at home, and don’t know how anyone would react to colorful vodka….Also I’d need to find out where I can buy skittles in Ktm as well.

There’s another recipe that calls for throwing in a bunch of Carambar (er..basically caramel candy) into a bottle of vodka and letting it mix completely with the vodka. Unlike the skittles recipe, it takes much longer (say about a week) for all the caramel to completely dissolve after which you’re supposed to chill it (I think). The end result is, I guess would be like baileys? I dunno. I remember making it once, but I don’t think I put enough carambar in the bottle…or maybe the vodka was just too strong…I really want to try this one again though…maybe use something that’s easier to find though like¬†cadbury’s eclairs. Would be awesome to try at a birthday party …hmmmmm.

In college we threw a dashain party my senior year (because the population of nepali students had grown to a decent enough size where labor and costs could be divided fairly!) and a girl showed up with a ziplock bag full of gummie bears. I hadn’t seen them in yeeaars and wondered why she’d bring candy to a lunch party…Okay fine, I lied. I was exctatic that she bought gummie bears. I had missed them so muuuch!!¬†Then I figured it out.¬†Turns out she soaked the gummie bears in rum a night or two they soaked up all the rum. I can’t tell you how strange it felt eating gummie bears and knowing that you’d be getting drunk…well…I guess its just as strange the first time you ever had a jello shot. Another wonderful creation.jello shots!!! That mix of pure childhood delight with, well, inebriation. Just a few ways to please both the grownup and child in you. I’m sure mixing rum with the gummie coke a cola candy would be cooler than the rum though.

FnB homies, take note…you could make MAD CASH on a friday serving skittle shots or jello shots at your bar. ESPECIALLY at a party. I am sure I’d be more willing to be ripped off for some colorful looking vodka than for a shot of tequila (maybe not but then again, who knows!?).


Man I miss college…Tonight would have been South Park margarita Night…followed by bowling.¬†

Shaken and Stirred

Lets pretend like Im not at all worried of the fact that my life could completely change in the next 30 seconds through a few shakes and quakes. Lets pretend I have an amazingly detailed plan of action, with everything I would ever need to survive neatly organized into a high density polymer barrel and a go-bag. In fact, my neighbors are all just as equally prepared- we have a community response plan, shelter locations determined, food and water stocks securely stored. All people that I talk to know that being prepared could tip the scales in your favor. My government has an insanely detailed disaster response plan as well, it knows exactly how to respond to natural disasters and has ensured that the manpower and equipment needed for such responses is not centrally located and can be accessed by anyone anywhere in the country with great ease. Lets act like I have no trouble falling asleep, that I never imagine the ground collapsing underneath my feet, I’m not clastrophobic, and that the slightest vibrations do not freak me out bye bye clubs with wonderful bass ūüė¶ We’ll pretend that despite my young age, I have already acheieved so much, touched so many hearts, and have had such an incredible impact in the world that I could die a happy man.

Lets carry on living like tomorrow will always come, that the worst has passed, and that disaster will strike home when we’re not so close to it. let’s hope the plates underneath western nepal do not release their 300 years of built up stress on this poor bastard while he’s in nepalgunj pretending to save the world

Seriously though, I am quite annoyed with the fact that noone seems to be running around frantically passing disaster preparedness legislature, or even initiating a public dialogue on the elements of preparedness. People can come together at the snap of a finger to repaint a brigde or a temple and say its for the betterment of Nepal, yet when it comes to matters like this…havent heard even a whisper… am i tuned into the wrong channels?

Somethings are better left unsaid

‘Nuff said

Frankly my dear, I wish I didn’t give a damn.

There is therapy in expression, frustration in the lack of being able to properly express. I dreamt of finding the perfect method of expression. People talk of how a camera in hand makes everything alright, kicking a football makes them forget their problems, dancing is a great form of release, a canvas is the perfect therapy. My forms of expression never seem to provide this relief, they feel like mere experiments- failed experiments at that. My photographs are taken through the frames of others’ references, my thoughts are borrowed and disjointed, my lines are stolen.

Some emotions are just so raw and overpowering to the point where I don’t know which fake form of expression to use. I’ve even tried fake-meditation to focus my thoughts, but to no avail. I want to flip desks, smash windows, rip down fans, break heads, destroy walls. Its scary how easily these urges surge to my fingertips. Once they subside, I feel foolish for not obeying these instincts, and the frustration bubbles to the top again. My mind is a pressure cooker and the longer i wait for a sithhi, the bigger the explosion will be.

I become submissive and fatalistic and all the things I hate to be, and I reluctantly accept it all. I distract myself. All the while I fail to realize that heat may have been turned down, but the pressure still builds…

“We spend our lives searching like scavenges finding a way
Understanding that light is a sign of the day
So we squint in the darkness in search of a glow
And falter in trying, in trials we grow

Our hearts they seem broken
Our legs they are weak
Our tongues are exhausted from trying to speak
Cos sometimes they listen 
But often they don’t
We easily help
But more often we won’t
Because we’ve constructed the things that we want
Ghosts our desires, desire to haunt

But our needs as below so above
What we all want should look a little more… like love.”

taken from the outro to Shad’s album ” The Old Prince”. An album of an arist who’s words and rhmyes just never cease to amaze me.

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